It was just a spontaneous day trip to the beach. I happened to grab my camera on the way out of the house. While we were on the shore, I gave the camera to my friend and told him to take a few shots of the sea while I wandered off somewhere. He did just that, including an unknowing me in one of the photos. I look more like a shadow than I do a person. I don't know exactly what I was thinking at that moment. I know I was looking out there in wonder, as people usually do at an unfamiliar ocean. I remember the wind was cool and soft that day. I remember I was heavy with spirits and thoughts-- escaping out, returning, and escaping again--all the while pretending I was having a good time. I was remembering what it felt like to love someone. I had the strange desire to fall into the water. Not to die, but to live differently. Looking back, I guess my appearance as a shadow in the photo is fitting. I wasn't even there. I was somewhere the camera couldn't see.

submitted by Mark R. Brown
age 21
New Jersey, USA
April 1999

| Next Essay | Fantasies Index | Museum Entrance |